What are we doing...Where are we going

Sunday, November 4, 2007

As I have stated before, over the past 19 months, I have grown tremendously. I am still 6 foot, 2 inches, but I feel my mind and eyes are far older at times. The combination of this experience and my desire to take in what I see has done that. Often times, it has made my interpretations and views almost philosophical.

This post is one that is based off my thoughts for the past several months. In a sense, it is the foundation to what I believe in, especially regarding what I’m doing here. I’m not sure if I’ve written a post like this before, so hopefully you will be able to make it through the first if not second paragraph.

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Luck is a funny thing. At times, you may have good luck yet in other instances, you might have bad luck…common sense. Unfortunately, the thing with luck, good or bad, is that you can’t choose which way it is going to come or when you will be lucky.

The first instant in life in which one faces luck is at birth. You can not choose who your parents are (good or bad, successful or unsuccessful, rich or poor), where you are born (modern medical facility or unsanitary conditions), what country you will be born in (country with lots of social programs or country undergoing civil unrest), socioeconomic status (wealthy, influential family or poor, lowest caste family), etc. From that moment, you have the rest of your life in front of you. This initial luck often times provides the foundation for the rest of your life.

After living here in Senegal and having a lot of time to take things in, I’ve realized how lucky, privileged, and spoiled my life has been. Constantly, I have questioned whether or not this is right. The only answer of justification I can provide myself with is to understand that luck is something that just happens, but its what each of us do with luck, whether it be large or small, that sets us apart.

Everyone is different when it comes to this. Sometimes when difficult situations arise, people shut down, others believe in adaptation and hard work to prevail, or at least to give themselves a chance. The television show MacGyver was a fine example of this. MacGyver, the main character, always seemed to find himself in difficult, life threatening situations in which luck was not on his side. Using the little resources around him, he was always able to turn the tables and save the day.

It is troubling though to know that I do not always use my luck in positive ways, especially under my current conditions. Regardless of what statistics published by international organizations say, not all Senegalese are poor and impoverished, especially in Dakar, but it is widespread. Also, there is a large amount of economic disparity.

Sometimes, I look in the mirror and question what I am doing. I have so many opportunities and resources here. If I want a Coca-Cola, I can just buy it. If I want to go to a nice restaurant, I can’t do it everyday, but I can every once in awhile. If I want to go to happy hour on a Monday night to meet friends I can do that. Those reading this back in the western world might see no problems in this, often times, normal behavior. Just realize, from a figurative standpoint, it is always the morning after a night of drinking that you question why you did it, often times with a splitting headache. Literally, I mean that I wake up in the morning, get off the bus near work and see men, women, children, families, and crippled begging…it’s tough to comprehend and face myself in the mirror after seeing that every morning. As I mentioned earlier, it makes me question what I’m doing at times…is it right, is it wrong…I’ll never know. I think the reason for this unknowingness is because I truly believe that regardless of how hard I work, I can always do more

In a sense, the biggest question I ask my self is “how can I live my life the way I want, but be a servant to mankind at the same time?” Often times, I get torn up knowing that no matter what or how much I (or even others) do, it will never be enough. This is not a reason to give up, but a reason to continually strive to do more and realize how lucky we truly are.

A lot of the thoughts I have provided came through time. They would not have happened if I hadn’t been for one thing, which has also been the best thing about my experience. My situation here in Senegal has broken me down as a person and then raised me back up with more open eyes. A lot of times, it takes tragedy and cases of hardship to do this. The more I think about it, I don’t know too many people that get to experience this, in which I feel very lucky to feel like I have.

In the months leading up to joining the Peace Corps, a lot of people said the Peace Corps would change me and I’d come back a different person. I disagreed adamantly then and disagree now as well. I do not think that I have changed in the literal sense, but I have grown here as a person. I’m probably always going to be the tall, lanky guy I was before I left, but I hope that this growth provided by my experience here fuels my future and continues to keep my eyes open.

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If you have made it to the end, congratulations. As always, I am not going back through to proof read what I wrote, so if none of what I wrote makes sense, I apologize.

Hope you all had a great weekend and GO DAWGS!!!